Solo Catalina Channel Swim 2021/2022

At 11:00pm on August 2nd 2021 I gave Captain Kevin Bell a fist bump and  jumped off the back of the Bottom Scratcher into the Pacific Ocean. As I swam the short 150yds to Doctors Cove I realized the bioluminescence was on! Water temp was 67, well within my limits (I don’t get nervous until its <60) This was going to be an epic swim! 21 miles to Palos Verdes. I had trained hard, swam every inch of every workout, spent lots of time in very cold water, completed many long swims along the way ( 2.5 weeks prior I completed an 8 hr ). I was ready, my team was ready. I peed and walked into the water, it begins.

200yds off the coast I knew this would be tough, wind was blowing, waves were breaking, I like it rough so bring it on. I just put my head down and swam, I was calm, I felt good and just kept swimming. I began my playlist; Grateful Dead, Steely Dan and Neil Young would carry me far. (or so I thought) The first three hours were without incident. And then everything went to shit. (Most of what follows is from my crew as I have little memory of the next 2 hours)

I remember not being able to swing my arms, my stroke was not just off it was gone. I couldn’t reach, or pull or breath right, I felt cold and my speech was slurred (this is my cold water tell but not in 67 degrees).

I kept thinking what the hell is wrong, why did this just get so dam hard.…and then I went unconscious, face down at 2:00am ish in the Pacific Ocean. My team went into action, and through a series of event were able to get my limp body on the back of the boat, Captain Kevin and his crew pulled me up, and now I’m laying on the deck, out cold. Hot packs, sleeping bags, body warmth.. all the tricks. Surface body temp was 89.9.

I came to with my team nurse yelling at me and for who knows how long I was in and out, my team trying to keep me awake trying to keep the Coast Gard on the ground, trying to warm me, trying to keep me alive (AED stickers on my chest ready to go) And they did.

And I am beyond thankful for each and every one of them, forever I owe them my life (tears flowing while I write this!) You're only as good as the team around you! I picked the best and it mattered.

After a long journey home and lots of questions, “was that hypothermia? What the fuck happened? Why did this happen?” I spent time in the hospital. I was disoriented for weeks, I took me longer than I admitted to feel ok. I had had a small, TIA, stroke and its effects lingered and still do.

I remember coming home from the hospital scared out of my mind. I have been in some sketchy situation for sure, but face down, unconscious in the middle of the Pacific Ocean at 2:30am takes the cake.

Fear is a crazy thing, what we do with fear matters. Trying to make it go away never works and allowing space for it to speak is fucking hard.

With many voices telling me not to, three weeks after my near death experience I booked a 2022 Solo attempt, I have a hard time letting shit go. I told no one.

I started training early 2022, but this time I had changed. Prior to my 2021 attempt my life was a mess, I was a mess. Over run with addiction, anger, chaos. The night of my stroke the ocean reflected it all. I began a very scary angry swim. The ocean was angry, I was angry, my life overrun with fear, my life had fallen apart two weeks prior. I was broken and a mess going into that swim. I was terrified to admit it then. That doesn’t play well on Instagram.

After last years near death experience/swim, I made some major changes in my life. I had to face some truth. I had work to do. It was time to be honest and take responsibility. Recovery. Honesty. I began to discover true Joe.

I just kept swimming, I was changing, growing. I was waking up from a long restless 30 year sleep. And the water felt new and cleaner as did my soul.

The heaviness of 2021 was hard to shake. The thought of putting myself into the exact same position where one year earlier I had almost died was intense and sat quietly on my shoulders for over a year. I rarely spoke about it.

The thought of putting my team, who I love dearly, into that situation again at times seemed selfish and weighed heavy. I told my mom I was doing the swim, I did not tell my dad until after.

People train in so many different ways. There is no right or wrong (well perhaps a few wrongs…) But I’ve learned to train for Joe, not others. I need rest. I need time to heal and take it all in. Volume is not my jam, and never serves me well. You do you.

And then it was the day.

Waiting for my team I filled up my bottles, packed my stuff and tried to relax. And then I sat down on my meditation  pillow, took a deep breath and pressed play. During the last year I had learned to meditate. I had spent time with teachers and guides. A voice that speaks to me different than others is that of Sarah Blondin. That day I sat and listened to Holding Center and it spoke to me and led me and changed me. When it ended I was in tears, sobbing. I was so aware and awake. In that moment the swim was over. In that moment for the first time out loud I said the words, ‘I am enough’. I realized that the swim was not something to accomplish rather a celebration of who I am, who I have always been. I sat there and cried. I was calm and at peace. I was 53 1/2 years old.

Celebration day. Time to unleash Joe. Just Joe.

And so on August 15th at 2pm the greatest team on the planet showed up. Dennis, Hillary, Sidney, Matt, Dan, Tricia.  Sabrina, Jess, BJ, John and Owen on land crew duty.

After eating and resting at Matt’s mom’s house in RPV we headed to the Bottom Scratcher.

To our surprise Kevin, Owner and Captain, had provided for us; food, snacks, and treats! Free galley service! We had our team meeting, told a few inappropriate jokes, had our official Observer meeting and headed for Dr’s Cove.

Within 20 min all crew were in their bunks sound asleep except for me. I did a long silent meditation and put on some good ol’ Grateful Dead. I felt calm and relaxed. And then the engine stopped, and I knew it was time. Calm.

We  had arrived at Dr’s Cove and were meet with calm seas, no wind and flying fish! Water was 70 and the giant orange moon began to rise. It was time. We did all the things, applied all the crap (Vaseline/Lanolin in the nocks and crannies and 50 spf mineral sunscreen from Target. Desitin makes me feel trapped and I hate it. Clipped on the lights, launched Matt in the kayak and it was on.

Before I jumped in we paused to remember two very important people, Mary Knott (amazing human and marathon swimmer who’s life was taken way to early) and my dear friend William who died in March. (I wore both of their initials on my very manly chest and thought of them often when things got hard). Things always get hard.

Trying to avoid sorrow and pain is foolishness. Embracing it is harder and worth it. Just keep swimming. Just Joe.

I stood on the shore at Dr. Cove. Per tradition, picked up a small white rock and tucked it in my suit, raised my arms and walked into the pacific ocean. It was a few minutes before 11pm.

Everything fell into place. The first hour I warmed up slowly and found my stroke, Matt was kayaking and that makes me happy, he is so gentle and confident.

Hour two Dennis got in to swim with me and it was simply amazing, very redeeming for us both after last year. And thus begins the long night, I lost track of time very quickly and at one point asked Dan if it was about 1:00am, his reply was, “its 3:00am” 3am means I’ve been swimming for a while in the dark (I can’t even communicate how fucking dark it is! bananas!) and I still have a while to go in the dark. I was calm and never felt stress of anxiety. I am the ocean. Calm.

At hour 6 Dennis jumped back in the water, and that one hour stretch was perhaps the best single hour of swimming in my whole life. 3000 feet of water, dark, ocean smooth and oily. The moon was big and bright. We picked up the pace and were just flying. At one point we looked at each other and we're just in awe of where we were, in awe of what we were doing, in awe of our friendship that started in the 7th grade. I told him I loved him and cried, overwhelmed with emotion.

Night swimming does not stress me out, never during the night did I feel freaked out like I was loosing it. And the sun began to rise and it was amazing, it was like nothing I had ever experienced. Beyond beautiful. Thankfully I breathe to the left so the sun was not blinding.

My nutrition was on point! I fed every 30 min. I drank blah blah blah. I drank what works for me and it did. I use the water bottles I like and my feeds take longer than everyone wants and I don’t care.

For me, taking an extra 45sec to finish peeing and interact with my team is food for my soul. I need to hear voices, tell a joke and simply take it all in. Matt and Dan know me and gave me the freedom to take time for me, for us to take in the beauty of the moon, a tanker and the most amazing sunrise ever.

Sidney was my coach for this event and I am so thankful she was. Experienced athletes can quickly tell if a coach knows their shit, Sidney clearly does. She knew exactly  what to say, what I needed to hear and our time in the water was beautiful. I am very thankful for Sidney as my coach and my friend.

My sense of smell was crazy heightened. I could smell coffee being made and bacon being cooked.

Hillary Biscay (just google her, she is a world class athlete, but also my neighbor and friend) was my other support swimmer and made me smile the whole time we swam together. Hillary is crazy fast. Crazy fast. So in order to stay next to my marathon pace she would swim like my grandma would at the senior center, and yet she was still crazy fast. We saw some alien jellyfish and a pod of dolphins. Swimming with Hillary was beautiful. After last year we met to talk and I asked her how to move forward as an athlete in light of my near death experience/failure and disappointment. Hillary listens  well.  Her guidance and wisdom made all the difference. Two reasons to quit she told me: #1. broken left shoulder #2. Broken right shoulder. Boom.

With the beach in sight and the water temp dropped to a  refreshing 62 for the final 3 hrs,  it was time to head in for the final stretch. My sinus were plugged,  jellyfish stings were calming down and Dan was kayaking! He looked at me and said, “let the beach draw you in”. And it did. With my team in the water behind me Dan guided us in. Dan is the most humble, gentle soul and his presence brings a calm I can’t explain.

I’ll never forget the moment when I saw the sandy bottom and began to stand up. I began to sob and then I heard her voice. There is something about the voice of your longtime swim partner screaming, cheering and celebrating you! Something about people cheering or even saying my name is so moving and I am not sure why and that’s ok. It just wrecks me in the best way! Sabrina is truly my little sister, forever coach and favorite people ever for all time!

We all hugged, Jess and BJ were there along with my very dear friend John and my youngest son Owen. Celebration day!

Back to the boat to get warm, and as always RN Trisha took excellent care to make sure I was ok. Forever I will stand in awe of this woman. As a mom, a wife and RN. The prior year it was Tricia who provided excellent medical care and was a huge part of saving my life.I am honored to call her my friend. Trisha was not aware that the rock in my suit was the one I had picked up at Dr. Cove. So naturally she tossed it overboard. We laughed together when we figured it out the next day. It’s just a rock.

The galley had breakfast burritos, cooked by Captain Kevin, ready and waiting and we were on our way back to the dock, clean up, pay the bill and head for home.

The culmination of three years of work was behind me. It will take me some time to fully get my head around the whole thing. This was a deeply spiritual journey for me, a journey of discovery and celebration of true Joe. I love who I am. I love who I am becoming. This truly was a celebration day!

P.S. A huge thank you to the CCSF for their support and for believing in me through this long journey. My observers, Tom and Don were just wonderful.

P.S.S. Two days after my swam I saw my dear friend John who was a part of my land crew. We were both pretty emotional and after we hugged he said, “ I wanted you to have something.” John reached into his pocket and pulled out a small white rock he had picked up on the beach at Smugglers Cove. Speechless, I simply cried tears of gratitude and love. (He had no idea about the tradition or that the rock I had carried went overboard) This was my rock, not the one I carried from Catalina, the one handed to me by my friend. I have the right rock, and I will cherish it always.